Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Prayer

Dear Lord,

I need some help. I need some serious help. My life is falling apart around me in the midst of the blessings you've bestowed on me. Despite your gifts I've taken my life to be something of my own making and within my own control. Obviously this is not the case. My life is not my own. I owe my life to you God. You above all others deserve the honor and glory for my accomplishments and you alone deserve the thanks and praise for your gifts. How dare I twist those gifts into something wicked and incompatible with your plan and commands? Lord I need your help. Please come into my life Lord. Please enter my life in a dramatic, forceful way, I need to know that you're there because it doesn't feel like you are. I know you are, there is the academic knowledge of your presence but I don't feel you in my life. Perhaps its because I've pushed you out and supplanted your will with my own. But I need you to set my heart ablaze for you and your will.

I can't do it anymore without you lord. I just can't.

Perhaps I'm just whining. Perhaps. But need help.

In all honesty the coming year scares me to death. I thought last year was bad, this year has the potential to be absolutely horrific. I don't know that I have the strength to get through this year and if I don't I don't know what will happen to me. I know that if I can get through this its all down hill from here but what if I can't? HELP ME LORD!!! I need you here. I need your grace and mercy and peace I need to to come into my heart and change me to love you and your will. I need you here. Let me escape the clutches of the opposition and live in you.

Lord I believe in your great love and mercy, I believe in your Son Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I believe in his death and resurrection from the grave. I believe in his victory over death and the grave and I believe in his imminent return. I believe in your judgment and the reality of Hell that awaits the unrepentant sinner. Please Lord I ask that you come into my life and teach me to live according to your will.

Lord I ask your forgiveness of my sins and my disgusting actions and thoughts. I need your grace and mercy Lord for I know I cannot reach you except through your Son.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Thinking.

I've decided its hard to care about someone but not be able to let those feelings develop fully.

Of course this is a fairly obvious statement of fact isn't it?

Obvious yes but hard to act on. Its one thing to know a relationship is going no where and isn't doing you any good but its an entirely different matter to bail out. The fear of causing her pain and the fear of destroying something you can't ever get back is almost over powering. And then,....then in those moments when I'm with her and I'm purely content with the world, I can't help but wish the world to stop turning.

But I know that nothing positive can ultimately come of this. I can't be what she needs me to be. I can't satisfy her needs and her desires. I'll never live up to the expectations will I?

I guess I never should have bumbled back into this world. I suppose I should have let the status quo remain. There is something I've learned when flying and I think it applies here. When you fly into a cloud and you can't see, make a 180 degree turn and go back to where you came from. Go back to where the skies are blue and the air is clear.

So I guess the question that remains is this:
     - Can I find the clear air on the other side of this cloud, or is there any, and should I just make the turn now?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Loss

The one thing that has always bugged me, way down at my very core, is the idea that I could lose a valued friend. Its happened before and its possibly the most sickening gut wrenching thing I've ever had to go through. Its not losing a friend over time when you drift apart, its the sudden disappearance, the evaporation of a relationship that means a great deal to me.
The first time I can remember losing a friend was elementary school, my best friend moved away and that kind of destroyed me for a while. Then of course I met Kyle who I still consider a close friend and someone I can trust with anything. The next one I lost was Alicia. I managed to help destroy that friendship as a result of some of my actions and I'm the one who put an end to it, but ultimately I had to walk away from her for painful but valid reasons. And I have to admit that even though I've made excuses about what happened, a lot of it was my fault and I ruined something that was good. That hurt. A lot. I'm still sorry for what happened frankly.
But both of these have one thing in common, I knew what happened and why it happened and series of events that contributed to the end of those friendships. That way I could at least rationalize or discern some kind of reasoning behind it.
But you dear reader, do you know what really hurts? What really tears my heart out and destroys me? Its losing a friend for no apparent reason. Its caring for someone and then learning that they've walked away without an explanation or a reason, without saying a word. Its the loss of a friend who I trusted with more than anyone else, its the loss of someone who put up my idiocy and didn't reject me even when I treated her poorly.
I loved her. I really did. At one point it was a romantic love, a love I would have done anything for, but that became a love of friendship, not easily mind you but it did and despite the distance that grew up between us I still love her. But its all for naught. I don't know what I did or didn't do, what I could have or should have done, what I needed to do or what happened, all I know is that I've lost someone I care deeply about and it hurts.
Perhaps I'm being incredibly selfish, perhaps I'm holding onto something that died a long time ago but frankly I don't care. But in my love I want whats best for you Michele. I want you to get married, have kids, have a wonderful life. So if this is goodbye then I'll remember you forever and I hope to see you again some day. I wish you the very best and I pray that God blesses your life immensely.

Your dear friend,
Allen Herbert

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Thoughts on "When Everything Falls" - Haste the Day

I can see it comin’ on the horizon
Sky turning black, it’s raining down
Can’t move my feet, cannot be shaken
Not movin’, I’m standing strong

I see death’s pall coming, coming for me

Blackest of black seeking out me

I will not move, will not be moved

Not moved, not frightened!


I’m standing so firm
I can’t be moved
I’m standing so firm
I can’t be moved

Standing

Not moving

Standing

Never moving


I will stand
I will stand
When everything falls away
I will fight this war forever
Or until I die
I will stand
I will stand
When everyone falls away
I will fight this war forever
Or until I die


I resist

I resist

When it falls away from me

I fight you tempter for eternity

Until I find mortality

I resist

I resist

Until this life has gone from me

I fight you tempter for eternity

Until I find mortality

All these things coming against me
I have the choice to fall or fight
I cannot be moved
You gave me the strength
Help me fight, help me fight

Temptations of the world raging

I can fight or succumb to him

I will not give in

Oh Lord on high strengthen me

Teach me how to fight, help me fight!


I’m standing so firm
I can’t be moved
I’m standing so firm
I can’t be moved


Standing

Not moving

Standing

Never moving


I will stand
I will stand
When everything falls away
I will fight this war forever
Or until I die
I will stand
I will stand
When everyone falls away
I will fight this war forever
Or until I die

I resist

I resist

When it falls away from me

I fight you tempter for eternity

Until I find mortality

I resist

I resist

Until this life has gone from me

I fight you tempter for eternity

Until I find mortality

And I’m standing so firm
On this ground you’ve sat before me
I’ll fight for this with my last breath
I’ll fight for this until I die
I can’t be moved.

I am here not moving not yielding

In this life laid before me

I’ll fight for righteousness till the ending

Until mortality comes to find me

I will not yield to you oh tempter.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Thin Shadows

I guess it would be appropriate to explain why this blog is called "Cast a Thin Shadow."

As it turns out, man was created to be in the world but not of the world. Man's presence on this earth is of a temporary nature and not intended to be permanent. Hence, several conclusions follow.

1) We should live our lives not according to the standards of the world but according to the standards of our Lord. Unfortunately we all are hypocrites when it comes to this, because we are all sinners. Fortunately God sent his Son to redeem us from our sins through his death on the cross.

2) We should "cast a thin shadow" here on this earth. This means that we should live our lives in a way that leaves behind minimal evidence of our presence on the face of the earth. Meaning that our accomplishments should be measured not by how big a building we build or how much wealth we accumulate, but by the impact we have on the hearts of those around us. These "shadows" that we leave behind are mearly leftovers of ourselves that mean nothing in our eternal lives in heaven.

3) We should live our lives in love for one another. This is and extension of #2 in many ways but I feel it deserves its own number. We must not be afraid to love our neighbors as ourselves. Christ himself commanded this so we are obligated, through our faith to observe this commandment. In loving our neighbors it means that we may have to sacrifice our own comforts and even our own well being for those around us.

4) Life will not be an easy venture. Nor will it necessarily be and enjoyable one. To "cast a thin shadow" we have to live our live in opposition to the world. We have to set ourselves apart from the world we live in. We can't wall ourselves up away from the world but we must live differently and seperatly from the world. So while the world honors wealth we must honor faith in our eternal reward, while the world praises worldly accomplishments, we must praise strength of faith and wisdom.

That, to me is what it means to "cast a thin shadow."

ATH

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Chorus of Angels

Chorus of angels, destroy my silence,
That haunts me, It claims me,
While darkness walks beside me.

God's soldiers come unto me, destroy the hate
It stalks me and hunts me 
This fear shadows my every move.

I saw the angels sing along to wake up the beautiful sleeping world.
Their voices will rise to test the strength of man.
Wake up the beautiful sleeping world.

I've seen the works of YOUR mighty Hand and heard the praise of heaven
I have heard them cry out to shatter the will of mankind
May YOU wake your sleeping servants

We will see the fire.
The skies will open up.
The clouds will burn red and our sins will forget us.
And time will not shake us.
Our hearts are made of gold.
These walls won’t over-take us.
These walls won’t over-take us.  

I await YOUR coming, I wait to see the end of days
The Earth shall crumble and fall away and I will come to YOUR glory
Eternity shall be mine 
I shall praise you alone oh LORD.
The terrors, temptations, and horrors of this world are destroyed
The terrors, temptations, and horrors of this world are destroyed

I saw the angels sing along to wake up the beautiful sleeping world.
Their voices will rise to test the strength of man.
Wake up the beautiful sleeping world.

How great to witness the works of YOUR hands and to see your sevants at work
How great YOUR servant's voices are, daring man to live in your will
May I wake to their words and serve you oh LORD

We will see the fire.
The skies will open up.
The clouds will burn red and our sins will forget us.
And time will not shake us.
Our hearts are made of gold.
These walls won’t over-take us.
These walls won’t over-take us.

The end draws closer and I look to the day I see a blood red moon
I look to the day when the stars fall from the sky
I look to the day when the old is swept away and my sins are forever destroyed
How great the day when I enter into YOUR presence
I yearn to praise YOU alone oh LORD.
This Earth cannot prevail
This Earth shall not prevail.

I saw the angels sing along to wake up the beautiful sleeping world.
Their voices will rise to test the strength of man.
Wake up the beautiful sleeping world.

YOUR servants do great things in YOUR name and through YOUR grace
YOU lift me up to do great things in YOUR name
Holy Father teach me to wake a fallen world.

Chorus of angels, destroy my silence,
That haunts me, It claims me,
While darkness walks beside me.

LORD send your servants to shatter these empty thoughts
They hover around me casting a pall over me
They hide within my sin

Chorus of angels, lead me in a prayer that will shake the foundations of the earth.
Wake up now.

Oh God send unto me YOUR servants and teach me to lift on high YOUR most holy name
Shatter my sinful slumber!



The red text makes up the lyrics to "Chorus of Angels" by Haste the Day. White text is my reflection upon these words and a prayer to God to teach me to live according to his will.

God Bless,
Allen 

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Purpose.


The 'blog', a worldwide phenomenon that somehow grown to incredible proportions. The online journal everyone seems so keen to publish. My purpose here is in some ways just that and in other ways more complex. I seek to share some of my thoughts but I don't always do this in words. I'm a firm believer in imagery as a form of communication so this takes on the form of a kind of photo blog as well. In many ways I am creating this as a backlash against the social networking phenomenon that my generation is so fascinated with. Facebook has finally started to annoy me and honestly I feel that its becoming more shallow as time passes. Time for something a little more of my own creation and more within my control. Hence this. My intention is to leave you, the reader, with some kind of interesting thought or consideration and some kind of image at the end of each post. So here we go....

God Bless
Allen